You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
