i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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