She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That accounts for only three of the penises
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
