Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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