I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
