Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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