she was so not down for the gang bang
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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