WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
