Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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