just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
