Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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