I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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