Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
