I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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