Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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