I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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