I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
