5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
