I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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