She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
