I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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