just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
