I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
