Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
