If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
