I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
