3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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