I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
