I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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