Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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