i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
