It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
