He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
