yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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