...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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