anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
