allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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