she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
