he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
