There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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