Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
