I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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