...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
