You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
