did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
