I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
