We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
