Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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