I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
