He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Terrible idea I love it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
