The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
