$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
