He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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