It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Girls should come with a carfax report
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
