8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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