I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
