How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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