I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize