That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
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if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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