Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
