Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
