I intend to get homeless drunk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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