Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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