So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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