yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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